Why Questioning Your Thoughts Might Be the Most Important ADHD Skill You Ever Learn

Kelly Dyches
May 5
4 min read

Updated: 7 days ago

If you have ADHD, you’ve probably had this moment where you walk into a room… see the laundry pile or full sink of dishes… and instantly feel overwhelmed.

Perhaps isn't not the laundry or dishes on their own, but because of what your brain says about it.

“This is too much.” “It never ends... I’ll never catch up.” “Why am I like this?”

And just like that… you’re stuck.

What a lot of ADHDers miss is that it’s not the situation that creates the struggle, it’s the thought about the situation. And when you learn how to question those thoughts?Everything changes.

The Hidden Driver: ADHD Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs)

Dr. Daniel Amen calls them ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts)—and ADHD brains tend to have a lot of them. He used this acronym to illustrate the "infestation" of negative, anxious, or depressing thoughts that can invade a person's mind, much like how real ants can spoil a picnic.

Research suggests:

75–80% of our thoughts are negative
~95% are repetitive
ADHD brains often have lower dopamine, which makes it harder to feel reward or satisfaction → which fuels even more negative thinking loops

Common ADHD ANTs:

All-or-nothing thinking: “If I can’t do it perfectly, why bother?”
Labeling: “I’m lazy.” “I’m not disciplined.”
Fortune telling: “I’ll never be consistent.”
Mind reading: “They think I’m incompetent.”
Comparison thinking: “Everyone else can do this… why can’t I?”
‘I’ll be happy when…’ thinking: “I’ll feel good once I finally get my life together.”
Blame looping: “It’s my past / my brain / my situation—so what’s the point?”

Here’s the problem:

When you don’t challenge a thought, your brain treats it as fact.

And your body responds accordingly.

What Happens in Your Brain When You Ruminate

When you spiral on negative thoughts, this isn’t just “mental”—it’s biological.

The chemical chain reaction:

Negative thoughts → trigger stress response
Brain releases cortisol
Cortisol suppresses dopamine

And those two chemicals:

Dopamine = motivation, reward, drive
Norepinephrine = focus, alertness, attention

So now:

You feel overwhelmed
You can’t focus
You avoid the task
You feel worse

It becomes a self-reinforcing loop.

This is why ADHD is not a willpower issue, it’s a brain state issue.

The DMN vs. TPN: Why Your Brain Gets Stuck

Let’s break this down simply.

Default Mode Network (DMN) = “Demon Mode”

Active during rest, mind-wandering
Responsible for: self-reflection, creativity, daydreaming
BUT also: rumination, negative self-talk, replaying past mistakes, and even some pretty dark thoughts (Ugh!)

ADHD brains tend to get stuck here.

Task Positive Network (TPN) = “Action Mode”

Active when you’re focused and doing
Engages when: you start a task, you’re problem-solving, you’re in motion, etc...

This is where productivity lives. This place makes you feel so productive.

The ADHD Challenge

Neurotypical brains switch between these like a light switch... easy peasy. For ADHD brains, on the other hand, it’s more like a glitchy toggle, and we tend to get stuck in the "demon mode."

You’re trying to perform a task (TPN)… but your brain jumps to a self depricating thought (DMN), and now you're stuck.

The Missing Link: Your Thoughts Control the Switch

This is where the self-coaching technique comes in. It's an acronym (S.T.E.A.R.) that stands for Situation, Thoughts, Emotions, Actions, Result.

Let’s walk through it.

Example: The Laundry Spiral

Situation (neutral fact): You have 5 baskets of laundry

Thoughts: “This is too much.” “I hate this.” “No one helps me.”

Emotions: Overwhelm, dread, frustration

Actions: Avoidance, scrolling, procrastination

Result: Laundry grows... stress increases

Now let’s shift ONE thing: the thought

New Thoughts: “I can just do one basket.” “I’ll set a 10-minute timer.” “I don’t have to finish... just start.”

Emotions: Calm, capable, slightly motivated

Actions: Start folding

Result: Progress → relief → momentum (YAY!)

Same situation, but a completely different outcome.

Because:

You changed the thought → which changed your brain chemistry → which changed your behavior.

Why Positive (or Neutral) Thoughts Actually Increase Productivity

This isn’t about “toxic positivity," but rather it’s about creating the right neurochemical environment for action.

When you shift your thoughts:

Cortisol decreases
Dopamine increases
Norepinephrine increases

Your brain literally becomes more capable of:

Starting tasks
Sustaining focus
Feeling reward

Fixed Mindset vs. Growth Mindset (ADHD Edition)

Fixed Mindset Sounds Like:

“I’m just bad at this”
“I’ll never be consistent”
“Why even try? I'll just fail anyway”

Growth Mindset Sounds Like:

“I can learn systems that work for my brain”
“Progress counts”
“I can try again differently”

And here’s the key:

Growth mindset isn’t just about being positive, but also about being flexible in your thinking

Practical Ways to Stop the Negative Thought Spiral

1. Catch the Thought (Awareness)

Ask: “What am I thinking right now?”

Name it.

2. Question It (Don’t Believe It Automatically)

Ask:

“Is this 100% true?”
“Is this helpful?”
“What’s another way to see this?”

3. Replace It (Not with perfection... just better)

Instead of:

“This is too much”

Try:

“I can do one small part”

4. Shift Into Action (Activate TPN)

Set a 5-minute timer
Do the smallest possible step
Make it a game, using what our brains crave most: Interest, Challenge, Novelty, Urgency

5. Regulate First, Then Act

If you’re overwhelmed:

Breathe
Move your body
Change environments

A calm nervous system = better brain chemistry

The Big Takeaway

Your brain is state-dependent, and your thoughts are one of the fastest ways to shift that state. Empowering, right?

You are not stuck because of your laundry, your schedule, or your to-do list. You are stuck because of the story your brain is telling about it.

What's cool is... stories can be rewritten. And when you rewrite the thought… you change the feeling… you change the action… you change the result… and...

You change your life.

For additional guidance in cultivating a positive mindset, I'm here to help! I happen to be an expert in ADHD, executive functioning, and mindset development. I've got you!

Schedule your free Discovery Call, HERE.