How I Traded My Fixed Mindset for a Growth One (and Became My Own Hype Woman)

When my son was around 6 or 7 years old, I started noticing how negative he was. Everything was stupid. Nothing was fun. He was bad at anything he tried—at least that’s what he believed.

As a desperate mother trying to help him break out of this fixed mindset spiral, I dove deep into parenting tools and came across a gem: The Big Life Journal.

What is the Big Life Journal?

Big Life Journal is an engaging growth mindset journal for kids. It uses stories, prompts, and challenges to teach children how to think positively, embrace mistakes, and develop resilience. It’s beautifully designed, developmentally appropriate, and sneakily brilliant.

As I flipped through the pages and read about the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset, it hit me like a juice box to the face:

I was just like my son.

Key Differences Between Fixed & Growth Mindset:

• Fixed: "I can't do this." Growth: "I can't do this yet."

• Fixed: "If I fail, I'm a failure." Growth: "If I fail, I'm learning."

• Fixed: "I'm just not good at that." Growth: "I can get better with practice."

Despite being everyone else’s personal hype squad, I realized I was NOT extending that same grace or encouragement to myself. When I failed, I spiraled. When I struggled, I criticized. If I wanted to help my son change, I had to change first.

So began my growth mindset journey. Below are a few tools and exercises that helped me rewire my thinking and treat myself with the same compassion I so freely gave others.

Mindset Awareness & Reframing Exercise

(Or as I like to call it: A daily chat with the inner mean girl in my head)

1. Thought Tracking (Daily – 5 min per day) Each day, jot down at least one moment when you felt frustrated, stuck, or overwhelmed.Write down the exact thought you had in that moment.

Personal Example: "I told myself, 'You're the worst at staying focused,' because I forgot to respond to a text. Again."

Ask yourself:

Is this a fact, or is it just a perception?

Spoiler alert: It's usually a perception, but my brain is VERY convincing.

2. Identify the Mindset Pattern

Look for patterns. Is it:

• Self-doubt?

• Perfectionism?

• Fear of failure?

• Catastrophizing everything like it’s the season finale of a drama?

Label the mindset (e.g., scarcity mindset, imposter syndrome, all-or-nothing thinking).

My go-to: "You're either amazing or a total failure, no in-between." Classic all-or-nothing thinking.

3. Reframe the Thought

Take that original thought and rewrite it in a way that is more realistic and kind.

Original: "I’m terrible at this." Reframed: "I’m still learning, and that’s okay. Everyone starts somewhere."

4. Action Step (Small but Immediate)End each entry with one tiny action you can take right now that aligns with your new thought.

Example: "I'll write down the one task I need to do next, instead of worrying about everything at once."

Bonus Challenge: Coach Yourself Day

Pick one day this week to speak to yourself like you would a dear friend, a mentor, or your favorite coach.

Every time a negative thought creeps in, pause and counter it out loud with a more helpful perspective. It feels weird. It also works.

Me on Coach Day: "Okay, yes, you spilled my electrolyte drink, forgot to pay the bill, and missed the meeting. BUT you also kept going, owned it, and you're showing up now. Proud of you."

Final Thoughts: This practice won’t make you invincible, but it will make you more resilient. Changing how we think is a practice—one you’re allowed to stumble through. If I can learn to coach my own mindset (while also coaching a child through a math meltdown and eating a banana over the sink), so can you.

You’ve got this. And if you forget that—come back to this post and let me remind you.

Want more tools like this? Grab my ADHD-friendly mindset guide or follow me on Instagram for daily encouragement.